Pain Within

you get out the tissues
the gauze, tape and knife
and quietly sit
while you're bleeding inside
the pain hits such levels
that you can no longer bear
the emotional agony
that through your veins tears
its not about dying
you just want some control
you're hurting so much
and there's nowhere to go
you pick up the knife
it weighs heavy in your hand
you gaze at the blade
so few would understand
you feel the tears
coursing in rivers
the crying won't stop
then you press the blade
against your skin
and slowly draw it across
watching the blood well up
as you cut again and again
you watch the tears mingle
with the blood you've just drawn
and feel the sting
as air hits the open wounds.
slowly...
as the physical pain increases...
you feel a sense of release
as your emotional agony decreases
after a while
you clean up the mess
and bandage yourself
and tell no one...thats best
now you feel dead inside
and you think
who would understand
this ritual of mine
to borrow from "iris"
"you bleed just to know you're alive"