My Story

I know quite well about the issues contained in this site...because I have lived them as far back as I can remember...

Since the time I was 3 years old I can recall being molested by multiple people. Not all of them have names...that I can remember...most of them I didn't know. My grandmother owned a restaurant/marina and a lot of the men would come in and be drunk and grab and fondle and say inappropriate things. One man always came in and tickled me...only he never quite stopped there. It reached a point where when he entered the building I would either run back into the stock room or go hide under the pool table trembling with fear.

As I grew up things didn't get easier...because I developed early. The people I should have been able to trust...people who were authority figures...more often than not proved they were just as bad as the others. If you are wondering why I didn't go to my mom or dad...I didn't feel close enough to them...I felt as though I had no where to turn...no one who cared.

When I was 15 I got involved with a guy who was the perfect boyfriend for about 3 months...then it began a sinister change...He began with the emotional abuse. He was very subtle about it...it would be a put down here and a put down there...gradually they would get more and more viscous. Then when I reached the point where I believed him when he told me he was doing me a favor by dating me and that no one else would want me, he started with the physical abuse. It too began subtly...he may push me or grab my arm too hard..then it went on to slapping. From slapping we went to punching, stabbing, and burning, Once again if you ask how no one noticed...they didn't pay attention and I did my best to conceal what was happening to me. I was of the mind set that I was going to be a virgin when I got married...he had other ideas. For 8 months he pressured me to have sex with him. I always told him no (Basically because I had been told that if I were a virgin on my wedding day I would be thrown the biggest wedding the area had seen). Well, one night I guess he decided he wasn't taking no for an answer. So at my grandmothers house (yes she and grandpa were home) on the night before my older cousin's wedding...he raped me at knife point. No I didn't scream out because of what he threatened to do to me. I had no doubt he would carry through with his threat because all the times he beat me he was mad at someone else......what would happen if I made him mad? Even now I shiver at the thought. Also I didn't speak up because it was the night before my cousin's wedding and I didn't want to take away from her day.

Since then there have been other occurrences and I never felt strong enough to stand up..now I am even if I can not press charges. At least I am making my story heard and if I can help anyone else through this journey of self acceptance then I can accept what has happened to me.

One more thing...please rid yourself of the mindset that if the woman stays she enjoys being abused. Sometimes you don't know where to turn. Others, like me...I was so young and didn't know what he would do to me if I did tell. You never know the underlying circumstances so don't condemn...offer support and help where you can.