Badges

She wears them like badges
these marks that she's made
Each one stands for something
A testament to pain
They show the world
"I survived, I didnt give in"
"I wanted to die but showed restraint
and did this instead"
She walks around in shorts
red slashes showing on milk white flesh
SLowly healing, slowly fading
to whitish scars blending in
No one notices in her family
They bury their heads in the sand
Just the same as they always have
ignoring her shame and pain.
She points to some barely visible lines
"This was when I got attacked at work
and it got brushed under the rug
all he got was a slap on the wrist
because his wife just died"
She points to another area
the lattice-work of scar tissue
threading across like silken spiderwebs.
"This is when my mom blamed me for my rape.
And this one was when I was told
'You will never be pretty'".
She points to more
"This one is when I was told
that I was sick and twisted and insane"
"Here is when i was called a whore"
"Here is when I was raped by a 'friend'
on my deathbed nearly with pneumonia
and doped up on pain meds"
"Here is when I remembered my childhood
went a little too deep there
I really wanted to die"
She points to the ones still red and angry
"this was when i got tired--
tired of hurting, of being afraid
tired of being the misfit.
Tired of having my heart ripped out.
The pain hit me so bad I couldnt breathe,
the tears wouldnt stop, I was shaking,
I was on fire inside, my insides knotted..."
She gives a dry laugh
"I dont expect you to understand
just dont condemn me for coping
the best way I know how"